Military Jokes

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Choose a punishment

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.”You can take your choice, private – one month’s restriction or twenty day’s pay,” said the officer.”All right, sir,” said the bright soldier, “I’ll take the money.” Read More »

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Tribute to the Marines

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . . .* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down.... Read More »

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New chemical warfare

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: “Anyone knows the formula for water?”"Sure. That’s easy,” said one man.”What is it?”"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”"What, what?” reasked the instructor.”H to O,” explained the chemistry... Read More »

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Painting shows it all

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. “What a great realist that painter is!” he exclaimed. “What painter?” “The one that painted this picture ‘Soldiers at Work’.” “Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those... Read More »

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How far to the town?

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.A rancher rode past.”Say, friend”,... Read More »

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Military Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies,Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes.Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds,As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads.Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube,Was triply-redundant, linked... Read More »

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Flying near Athens

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff on those hills?”"Just snow,” replied the stewardess. “That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in front of... Read More »

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sailor’s experience in the Army

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual sailor’s experience in the Army.After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: “Due to my metabolic inability... Read More »

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Physical training job

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.”I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now begin!”After a... Read More »

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New officer efficiency

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” “Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.” “A room temperature IQ.” “Got a full 6-pack,... Read More »

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