Dead and Dying Jokes

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Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying…

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in. Read More »

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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover’s…

Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover’s funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. “Message?” she sputtered. “Well, I guess, ‘You will be missed.”‘ Visiting the funeral home,... Read More »

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Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will?…

Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Answer: “Leave it to Beaver.” Read More »

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A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner…

A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said, “Look, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to throw the switch in a minute.” The man said, “Do me a favor and throw it out the window!” Read More »

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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil:…

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead ?, I didn’t even know he was sick ! Read More »

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A man is fibbing away about how great things are…

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. “There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off... Read More »

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An English guy was very ill and his son went…

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he... Read More »

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This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons…

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. “Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I’d like to be buried at sea.” So the boys agreed. A few... Read More »

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A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking…

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter... Read More »

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“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked…

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to... Read More »

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