Bar Jokes

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Some very common traits in two drunks

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”"I’m from Ireland,” replies the... Read More »

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The number twelve goes to a bar

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.”Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.”Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.”You’re under 18,” replies the barman. Read More »

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Two men walked into a bar

Two men walked into a bar.You would think at least one of them would have ducked. Read More »

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Some yogurt visits a local bar

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re... Read More »

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I only ordered a double

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me Read More »

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This tells me that I must be drunk

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious... Read More »

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My girlfriend is out in the car

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside... Read More »

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I bet I can bite both of my eyes

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I... Read More »

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I think I’ll try a nicer approach

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting... Read More »

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Bad luck finding a place to hide

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the... Read More »

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