Animal Jokes

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Installing a Carpet

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ”No sense pulling... Read More »

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Horses at the Race

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, ”All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a... Read More »

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Dogs and Light Bulbs

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb!... Read More »

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The Feline Diet

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except... Read More »

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Sounds of the Wild

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?”Child: “Moo!”Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”Child: “Meow.”Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this... Read More »

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Giving Cats Pills

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently... Read More »

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Two angry neighbors

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys... Read More »

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Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend... Read More »

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Buy alligator shoes

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a... Read More »

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Cow on train tracks

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.”What’s going on?” she yells out the window.”Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes... Read More »

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